Guilty
by Zukanna
Summary: Oneshot. Lex thinks back on what happened and her part in it, and realises that she was guilty, that she had hurt more than helped, and that remembering hurts just as much as the scars. Note: change of author name from Mademoiselle Morte to Zukanna


A short one shot of how Lex would feel after the expedition and how it could affect her life afterwards. This may be carried on into a longer story if I am asked enough, as I am interested in doing an AvP story, but I'll see how this is received first.

Guilty

If she had one wish, it wouldn't have been to forget everything that had happened, or that she had never been involved in the expedition in the first place, no, nor would it be to heal the scars which reminded her of it daily, in fact, it would have been a wish that he had lived.

Strange she knew, but he'd protected her, most likely been disgusted with her as well at how weak she was, but he'd still protected her, given her the shield and the spear to try and survive. He didn't need to, but he had. A seven foot tall alien and a 5 foot 8 human woman, what a team huh? But it had worked, they'd made it out, but she wouldn't take it as far to say that they had both survived.

Because they hadn't.

He'd died, simple as that, after all that had happened, all the aliens, the bomb he'd died when that stupid mother Alien had decided to make herself known, stabbed him threw with it's tail when her plan had been too slow. Maybe if she had a second wish, it would be to take away the guilt. Because she was guilty, she'd been too damned slow, too damned weak to kill that stupid bitch in time, and it had cost him his life, his trust in a simple human had killed him, she'd killed him.

But why did she care so much!

It drove her crazy, every night she had the same nightmares, her killing Sebastian, him dieing…she'd even named him, Scar she'd called him. It suited him, but giving him a name to remember him by didn't save him, hadn't saved Sebastian or Weyland, none of them. Yet she'd survived, because she had been given the trust of an alien, and she'd betrayed it, she was sure some of the others wouldn't have, most of them in fact. But she was always so damned fixated on safety, ever since her father had died, that she had never thought of danger as an option, not on the scale at which she'd encountered.

She'd let Sebastian suffer needlessly, he'd been begging her to shoot him, to end his pain, to end the realisation that he had a monster inside of him, but no, she'd let him suffer those extra agonising seconds because she been too cowardly, sure that danger against danger, when logically thought out, was not necessary.

She'd been wrong, she'd fought on instinct after that, number by everything, and it had saved her. Instead of hiding away, trying to stay safe from harm, she'd waved her spear around like a maniac, and she'd survived, she'd gotten out of the temple, with Scar's help and had survived.

But why her?

She wasn't important, she wasn't a great hunter, not even the best climber…not anymore. Her nightmares had made her edgy, nervous and twitchy, and the snow did nothing but remind her of that innocent white which had covered hell beneath it.

There had been an accident.

About 4 months after the expedition into the temple, she'd finally taken up an offer to take out 2 scientists to a glacier, to study some underground activity due to it's movements or something, she only knew the basics, that's all she'd needed to know. But the woman, Louise Carlahn, she'd slipped after seeing a snow fox, she'd yelled out in shock, just like the others had, when they'd first seen the aliens, and she freaked, lost her grip on the rope and had slipped as well. It had dislodged Louise's grip on the rope, they'd been on the same one, she'd never really climbed before, the other scientist, Joseph Shomun, had though.

The weight had dislodged the bar above, the one that had held the rope, she'd made a mistake, she had used faulty equipment…and it had lost Louis Carlahn the use of her legs and lower torso. She'd fallen and hit a ledge further down the side of the cliff, her spine had been broken in two places.

She was guilty, she'd hurt so many people, who would trust her now?

They knew she had lied, at least partly, about what had happened in the temple. Although the scientists hadn't sued her, because she had said no 4 times before hand telling them she had suffered trauma, but they had wanted the best, they accepted their mistake with pride, knowing they could have avoided it if they had listened to her, but listening couldn't have helped her. Her climbing license had been revoked after an investigation into the accident, due to 'severe trauma' during an earlier expedition. They'd told her she had a paranoia of what had happened, that it would happen again, that it was affecting her performance.

She would never have freaked out 4 months ago, never have even let her equipment fall into such disrepair, but she'd changed.

She was guilty.

Weyland…

Sebastian….

Scar…

Louise…

They said it came in 3's, what happened once it reached 4?

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